Potty-Training (aka The 7th Circle of Hell)

Why aren't people just born knowing how to use the damn toilet? I subjected Edgar, Rollo, Chamina and myself to 3 days of intensive potty-training madness because a co-worker of mine swore up and down this was THE ultimate way to get kids using the "potty". She sent me the guide, which I proceeded to devour like a starved beast.

One vital question before I continue my story is, "Why am I so desperate for Chamina to get out of diapers?" Well, I actually never intended to hurry her through the potty-training process, having been a rather difficult child to train in that area myself (or so I've been told). I figured, she's bound to get it before she goes to kindergarten so what's the rush? Then circumstance reared its unpredictable head: Miss Myrna decided to retire after 21 years in the child care business, and Chamina needed to find another daycare! EGADS. (What does this have to do with potty-training, you ask? Read on...)

Edgar and I immediately rushed to UCI Child Care Services (where we've been on the waiting list since I was 3 months pregnant with Chamina). We were told there was an opening in November! Yay! The Child Care Center's affiliated with a wonderful university, its reputation is unmatched in Orange County, and Edgar would be RIGHT THERE in case anything should come up. It was perfect! We toured the classrooms, playgrounds, we met the Director, Chamina's teacher, even the pet chicken "Chickety-Chick". All was well, until we saw the fees. Not to bore you with sordid details, but my eyes bugged out and I think Edgar may have swallowed his tongue.

Anyway, seeing as how this was THE BEST option hands down, we "sucked it up" so to speak, and enrolled Chamina. There was a ray of hope, however. The fees went down pretty drastically if the child had "toileting skills". AHA! Hence, 3-day potty boot camp.

Now, back to my potty-training nightmare... it's not quite as bad as labor, birth, or the first 6 weeks of mothering, but it ranks pretty high up there. I had to muster up all my patience not shake the bejeebers out of poor little Chamina every time she peed on the floor. You see, this 3-day guide goes for the jugular-- you are not allowed to use Pull-Ups, Training Pants, or any other padded contraption that may make things easier for you and your child. No, you just use regular panties and CLEAN UP the mess everytime she makes it.

"But," you may think,"How often does a child pee/poop during the day anyway? Once? Twice? It can't be that bad!" HAHA. The Nazi guide also tells you to ply your unsuspecting kid with all forms of liquid (popsicles, juice, water, milk) ALL day, so they can "practice" going to the toilet as much as they possibly can. Isn't that a form of torture you're not allowed to use under the Geneva Conventions?

I didn't think either of us was going to be left standing after the first day of this. Chamina peed so much I prayed we wouldn't get washed away in a river of urine. Thank God for tile floors! The second day was only slightly more bearable. I was beginning to doubt my own sanity, and I was sure I had compromised Chamina's as well.

Then TODAY happened. AAAAAHHHH! God really does listen on Sundays. I don't know what was different about today, but today she just GOT IT. She caught herself before she let go, told me "I need go toilet" and when she got there, she peed. HOORAY! She had one accident (which was actually mine and her Daddy's fault, because we weren't around and we both thought the other was watching her). I can't believe I'd be so happy about bowel movements and urine, but I was elated. I know she's far from being fully trained, and any parent would tell me in a heartbeat that she'll have many more accidents to come, but for now I am at peace with the potty.

Enjoying her umpteenth popsicle on Day 2

Wow, some things ARE instinctual!